Escape those disillusioning Celtic gossip columns for just a moment, dear reader, and instead divert your attention to the humdrum existence of one Matt Smith. Born in England on 22 November 1999 (making him currently about as old as the last good joke I heard), Smith fits the role of a middling central midfielder for St Johnstone with all the exciting dynamism of a roundabout. Standing only 5ft 8in (1.75m for our continental friends) tall, he's hardly the imposing behemoth you'd expect to fill that number 22 jersey, and his 11st 2lb (or 71kg) physique is as average as a Sunday roast.
According to those statistical savants over at Transfermarkt, Smith's current market value sits around the €400k mark, or about £340k for those counting in real money. His contract with St Johnstone, in the sort of hilarious twist you'd simply sell your granny to write, expires on 31 May 2025, which is about a fortnight away. How time flies when you're having fun.
Smith's footballing journey, akin to a GPS sporadically losing signal, began in Manchester City's youth setup back in 2013. There, he learned the ropes of being loaned out more often than a library book.
July 2018 saw him shipped off to FC Twente in the Eredivisie, where he convinced the powers that be to let him on the pitch 34 times, astonishing them with an overall contribution of two goals. That same level of mediocrity followed him to Queens Park Rangers in the Championship in July 2019 where he featured in a whopping eight league matches.
Without missing a beat, Smith was again passed around the English leagues like a cursed amulet, being loaned to Charlton Athletic in January 2020 where he graced the pitch a staggering two times in league matches. His migration southwards continued with loan spells at Doncaster Rovers, Hull City, and MK Dons, each greeted with a distinguished yawn from their respective fan bases.
Following undisclosed fees and undoubtedly thrilling contract discussions, Smith finally left Manchester to join MK Dons permanently in January 2022. An almost noteworthy season followed with 21 appearances and two goals.
Just when you thought his career skimmed the bottom of the sheer cliff that is excitement, Smith eventually meandered his way to the Scottish Premiership with St Johnstone in August 2023. He's since taken the field 34 times, even bagging a single goal in his debut season. As for his recent season, he’s managed 20 league matches.
I'd be remiss not to mention his participation in the League Cup 2024-2025 for St Johnstone. With his inspiring performance, he made four starts and one substitute appearance. A form as dry as a Sahara bone, isn't it?
