Ah, Ryan Naderi, a stripling scrawny by no means if the metrics are to be consulted. Birthed in Germany on 10 July 2003, he's making strides at a tender 22 years of age, posing as a forward who primarily plays as a striker for Rangers. He looms a rather striking 6ft 4in (1.94m) tall on the pitch, and weighs 12st 12lb (82kg). Dress him up in a number 20 jersey and there you have it - Ryan 'striker' Naderi.
According to Transfermarkt, Naderi can be bought for approximately £4m, give or take some change. A princely figure, wouldn't you say? For a man who won't go near the goal unless it's wearing an evening gown, apparently.
In the sultry month of August 2024, Naderi decided he'd had enough of the crumbing charm of Borussia Mönchengladbach II and sought refuge in the unknown armpits of Hansa Rostock instead, a deal that had Hansa part with a paltry £170k. In his debut spell over the 2024/2025 season, he graced the pitch 24 times and managed to direct the ball towards the goalpost an impressive five times.
The following 2025/2026 season witnessed Naderi taking the field 18 times with eight balls finding the back of the net while he was on the pitch. Coincidence? Perhaps.
In a move that would stump historians for years, Rangers decided to trade their precious £4.8m for Naderi in February 2026. Proving to be quite the hermit, he has only descended upon the field seven times this current season 2025 - 2026.
Scottish Cup 2025 - 2026, you say? Ah yes, he was spotted there too, having a laugh, taking the mickey, scoring two goals in two starts. What's next, hat tricks? Only time will tell.
